Not meaning to be silent for so long. Just in that weird mood. The one where you want more - not more stuff or more riches, just more.
And it's been a nice month - we had a super VBS with lots of nice helpers and great kids attending. Antonio turned 9 and we had our family reunion. It just seems that there's MORE to be had.
I read that the two best ways to beat depression (is that what I'm feeling?) are exercise and doing good for others. As much as I ADORE (not) exercise - I really do want to help others.
And that's where the choices come in. Somedays, I want to adopt a beautiful little girl who is waiting for a family. She has spina bifida - like my friend Sarah's little girl. So with our nice health insurance, and being an at-home mom, I could care for her and Sarah could give me her wisdom. She NEEDS a family.
BUT. If we adopt, then we would not be able to foster anymore. And I TREASURE the time I had with Mari and Tana. I LOVE those little girls like nobody's business and I always will. So do I make a difference to one child? Or keep our options open to host many children? Do we set up to do 'normal' foster parenting? But that also would interrupt our international hosting. But maybe a child won't even come here for another year or so - being as our local hospitals aren't eager to help out.
So what do I do? I feel like I should make a choice. I just don't know which one is right. Each door I open shuts another door. Or, each door I shut opens another. I don't know. One day I will know for sure. I hope.
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